I get energy from what is not dual, from the observer. For the observer everything that happens around is interesting, exciting, and great.
- How can one anchor or stabilize oneself in the observer?
- In order to anchor in the observer, one needs to find the observer first. One cannot anchor in something one did not find. Find him. Where is he? Describe him. Hear him feeling, sensing, and describing it all: spasm was felt in the chest, thought was seen passing by, sadness lifted and disappeared, pressure sensation moved from the left buttock to the right buttock. That is already something. Someone is observing.
- What happens to the spasm when it is observed?
One can observe all the time and everything that surrounds one, irrespective what it is. The happiest moment and the saddest feeling, itching of the mosquito bite, taste of the steak you eat.
Observation changes feelings, sensations, and thoughts.
Observation of the thought leads to the disappearance of the thought.
Observation of the state leads to the transformation of the state.
Observation of the sensation leads to the change of the sensation.
Observer is a tremendous power, but one needs to use it.
- It is very difficult for me to get to the observer when I am angry.
- When you are angry, you cannot get there at all. One needs to start observing in silence.
Start to register your sensations, feelings, and physical tensions. Observe the tension in your neck, lumbar spine, jaw. Observe your physical body today, emotional body tomorrow. When you feel guilty or blame/judge someone. Observe, let it go as it goes, but observe it. Observe your irritation when you are at work. Observe it when you are home.
- You felt upset with someone. What kind of sensations do you observe?
- I felt pressure in the area of my chest. Feels like there was a fast, brief stab.
Good, this is what we call self-awareness: Observation of internal reactions to the external irritants.
Man to man is an irritant…
Aim at constant filtration through the filter of awareness.
What happens here? He called you stupid, and your reaction is to get angry and to call him stupid back or to shut your mouth and observe the thought “You dummy. You are stupid, yourself.”
Some throw it all outside, some boil it inside.
What do you feel?
What do you sense?
What state are you in?
Observe your fists getting tight, your jaw clench, your chest tighten.
Observe your thoughts: Why am I here? How did I get here?
Awareness is not sifting something out, but seeing it all as it is.
There are 3 spheres one can observe:
1. mental – thoughts
2. emotional – feelings/states
3. physical – sensations
Mental sphere comes first and determines emotional and then physical.
Constant work on awareness in 3 spheres:
Irritation in mental sphere observed as negative thoughts
Irritation in emotional sphere observed as negative feelings and states
Irritation in physical sphere observed as physical sensations: tensions, pains, heartburn, etc.
Observe it once a day at first. That would lead to observation twice a day, then three times a day.
You came to work. Who irritates you? Ivan or Sasha. Are you aware of this irritation as a state or you just observe it as a thought or express it verbally? Do you sense it on a physical level?
Are you feeling this state?
- Do you feel pity toward yourself?
- Who caused this feeling? Where is the source of it?
- Pint did! I don’t understand anything!
- Are you aware of this state?
- Are you doing this work during the day?
- Are you thinking about it? Talking about it?
- What kind of state are you in talking to your colleague at work?
- What kind of state are you in talking to your husband when you get home?
- What do you feel on a body level?
- Where do you feel warm, where cold? Where is the twitch? Where is the tension?
Talk it all through:
I am in a state of irritation… What irritates me is….
My kid irritates me, I want to …..ah!!!!
I observe myself screaming at my daughter. Now I feel pity for her.
Those are all just states one needs to observe.
That is the essence of the work.
Nobody sees it. It is not visible to anyone from the outside.
This allows detachment and de-identification, which in turn allows one the exit toward the Observer. This is that tiny straw one should grab on to and by adding another straw every day turn it into a raft.
Man is a dual structure. One can observe this structure from the state of the observer.
You feel pity toward yourself. Observe it.
You get angry with yourself. Observe it.
You get angry with your husband. Observe it.
Without the observer there are only two states: irritation and self-pity.
When you get into a state, do not think it through. Do not analyze it.
Thought appeared. Do not prolongate the thought. Observe it. It would change.
Then and only then you would see the power of the observer. It leads to zero.
It is a great opportunity which requires constant, daily efforts. Nobody but you can do it. Ego would resist.
When you take this responsibility and finally say “I am responsible!” any game (irritation, pity, grudge toward someone) becomes pointless. You realize it is all an illusion.
But now all this is very real to you and it is pleasant. There is kaif there...
And the see-saw continues: one gets irritated, blames someone and then flips into the other side, starting to feel self-pity.
- I caught myself thinking “I feel pity toward Pint. He does not have anyone to laugh with. No one understands him.”
- Look, you idiot*, I am laughing with you. But you want to drop it all down to the level of pity and irritation again.
Negative experiences are extremely valuable. They might be equated to the bank accounts. Painful experience is fixed on a certain symbol.
Irritation vs. horror. The difference is just in the scale, the degree of intensity.
For every negative symbol, there is a bank account you do not even know exist.
Most people (the positivist) not only do not know anything about the account, but deny it.
Every single negative experience is your pointer to the bank account.
Pain and suffering lead to self-awareness.
Someone is coughing.
- What kind of thought lead you to this cough?
- I don’t know.
- Cough and observe.
What does it mean to track down the emotion?
- I feel… I sense…irritation.
- Look here. Irritation is connected with mental, emotional, and physical. Three in one.
But you fixate your attention on only one sphere. What irritates you?
- My cough irritates me. I physically sense dyspnea. I feel something obstructing my throat.
- What you say is you react to sensation (cough, irritated and dry throat). You are aware of it because it is very intense. But what kind of thoughts and states accompany this cough? Do you see it? Can you verbalize it? Can you say it?
- Yes. I get into a state where my cough irritates everyone around.
- That is already the effect of the cough. Cough has its own causes. What kind of thoughts and feelings brought on this cough? Cough is the effect, the consequence. Cough is connected to thoughts and states, but you register only the cough, because it creates a loud noise. You do not see the whole mechanism. Cough, in your particular Tanzilya’s case, comes from the fear of talking about something. Because if I say something now, it can be inappropriate. It means you are hiding some kind of thought behind the cough. You hide the thought, which in turn leads to state of fear and cough. Instead of verbalizing the thought you bring forward the cough.
- What kind of thought?
- It can be a thought insulting to people present here. Cough and try to get aware of this thought. By itself you cannot track this thought down. Only through the effects, the consequences, the cough it can be traced. Instead of a thought, you give us cough. Bouts of cough. Talk…talk…say it…throw everything you have out. Start to cough…Thought would come and be there on the very surface. Cough on everyone around you and spit the thought out.
She starts to cough…I hate you all…coughing…I am bored and …cough….hate…cough….all disgusting….cough…