— I feel strong self-accusation for not understanding what’s going on. My daughter suddenly developed a very high temperature. Tylenol and other medications did not help. I felt internal self-accusation: «What’s going on? Why can’t I understand what is going on? »
— As everybody else, you turn everything into kaif* of accusation. We can say that you created this situation in order to experience the kaif of accusation again. Accusation is a narcotic of a «sleeping» human being. Why is the energy of all your dramas converted into accusation, but not into self-investigation? I don’t say that what you have is bad. I keep telling you that all these situations are subject for self-investigation.
And what do you do? You accuse yourself for it. Why do you hold on to accusation so hard? You do it because accusation is a drug, similar to cocaine, and you need to constantly escalate the dose of this drug. How strong is the kaif of this self-accusation when your daughter’s temperature goes very high?!
Are you aware of it? Become aware of it! You are submerged in a drug induced, narcotic state. As any drug addict, you want to escalate the dose. You developed tolerance, and you will look for a higher dose.
The drug of all «sleepers» is the state of self-accusation or accusation of others, which in essence is the same thing. That’s why your tendency to hold on to it is so strong. That’s why it is so difficult to refuse it.
Do you know how difficult it is for a drug addict to refuse a drug? He develops withdrawal symptoms. Your withdrawal symptoms are equally strong. What happens when I ask you to become aware and to speak of the mechanisms of your program? You develop withdrawal symptoms. What does your internal drug addict wants? He wants to get a higher dose. When he gets his dose, he does not think of what is going to happen tomorrow. When the effect of the dose stops, he is going to search for another dose.
— Yes. That’s how escalation of the dose occurs.
— So, take a look at yourself, ands see yourself as a drug addict. Take a look at all these situations as new drug dosages.We are all drug addicts here, and we constantly search for our drug of choice everywhere.