— We came to conclusion that in every game we need to understand what methods on management each actor uses. My method of management is not to allow a woman to say a word. I am not paying her any attention. At this time I am playing a male role. Out of this role I see a woman to be a victim. And I do not want to refuse myself to be in control and to manage this victim. I want to perceive her as a victim. It is very advantageous to see a victim in a woman, because then I can save her. And in such a way I raise myself:”I am such a macho man-savior. I will find a way out of any situation and save her.”
— You are going to save her – that’s a plus. Where is the minus?
— Oh, the minus is that she tortures me by her victimhood. And I go and scream at her. She gives birth to aggression and then a sense of guilt in me by doing this.
— Aggression – is an effect. First guilt, and then aggression. What does a victim brings up in you by definition? Guilt. Beautiful words:”I want to save her.” That is not so. I won’t to get rid of guilt – that is the key point.
— She asks: “Why do you oppress me? “And out of the guilt for this oppression, as a man, I later start doing something for her and for her family. I take responsibility out of guilt.
— Why does a man take responsibility? Beautiful words are being spoken all the time. But do you see the essence of a phenomena or you see the beautiful words:”I take responsibility for children”? The essence – is management. I unload something I cannot get rid of – guilt. She hangs more and more guilt on me by her “victimhood.” What is it to be victimized? Factually, she is blaming a man that she feels bad because of him.
— Yes, and when a woman said:”You men do not want to act yourself. I constantly have to feed you energetically,” I started to understand that she really feeds me with this feeling of guilt, and I get strength to do something.
— That is exactly what feeds you! But what does this man carry and what does he do for a family? Everything appears pretty: woman fed him, and he, well-fed goes and does something for the family, house, neighborhood, and a country. It is such an ideal picture.
A woman says – man is not going to do anything for nothing. And how would he do what needs to be done? Lots of things need to be done – strengthen the family, develop business, reinforce the country, develop humanity. A country does not say: “Sit down and enjoy yourself.” I don’t know such a country. A country stimulates to certain actions, right? We have the same situation here.
— What occurs there is getting someone into a debt.
— Manipulation by guilt.
— He would sit and he would not lift a finger to do anything. So, where is the stimulation coming from? And what kind of stimulation is it?
— If I don’t do anything, I would feel really bad. She is a mother. She is a saint. I am unable not to pay my debt to a saint mother.
— Who is saying it? A man?
— So, he is siting thinking a thought: “Here is a mother, and she is saintly.” And what does he thinks then?
— She is so saintly, because he is so sinful.
— OK. He is sinful:”I am sitting here in sin and she is siting so saintly” Then what?
— She is saintly and she feels bad. She talks about how bad she feels. She says that all of it is because of you. In comparison to her I feel good. I don’t feel that pain.
— If she is a saint, she does not have any sins. But if she feels bad, then sins do exist. But not in her structure – in his. That is a logical conclusion. And if a saint feels bad, it is not because she, a saint, did something wrong. A saint cannot do anything wrong by definition.
— That’s right.
— Who else is there? She looked around and she did not find anyone except him. “I am such a sinner” – he says. And she starts to reinforce it. And the conversations are usually quite murky and people are unable to understand anything. We dissected it pretty well today, but in the field they don’t understand anything. Suddenly a sinful state appears – he feels guilty. Can a man even comprehend this guilt? No. He feels guilty and he feels bad. He is simply siting in guilt. He cannot comprehend it, and here a saint comes to his help, saying necessary words and translating necessary states.
— To redeem your sins do this, that, and that.
— No. We are going to talk about “redemptions of the sins” later on. First, we need to discuss sins. A priest comes to his congregations in church and says: “Redeem your sins!” and people are sitting there with their mouths open: “What sins? What are you talking about?” So, let us start from the beginning. What does the church stands on? It stands on the concept of “original sin.” And when everyone thoroughly felt this original sin in them, then the sermon of the priest about redemption is right on time. Otherwise, people are sitting there, having no idea about original sin when priest comes and explain how to redeem a sin. People start yawning and then leave.
— But there was an obvious conflict between a mother and a father there. Mother is working hard raising kids, while he, such a dog, is demanding sex from her.
— He demands sex – bastard! How can he dare? Kids are born, what kind of sex does he want?
— The first sexual encounter is a good way to introduce a feeling of guilt into a man – you are guilty in what happens in me.
— Finally, we arrived to the beginning. Look for the root cause. “Guilty!” Guilty from the beginning. And state of guilt is maintained constantly. That is the key point.
Two human beings are sitting together. Why would they talk about who owns to whom? They don’t even have a reason for this conversation. But if two human beings are siting and one of them is guilty, and the saint is sitting in a state of Universal sadness, then it is a different thing. So, how does management works here? The methods of management.
— Out of this sadness, for example, one can convey what can be done to make her happy.
— And how does he make her happy? She is sitting there sad, and a man is siting watching soccer. And this saint is sitting sad. He does not care, soccer is more interesting.
— There are criteria of this sainthood. And there is a criteria what is important for this saint mother – kids, and family.
— And for a man there is no difference. Her criteria – let her sort it out. He is watching soccer.
— She needs to get him to understand that he is the one who is guilty, so he would not make mistakes anymore.
— Exactly! That is the key. The first and the main point.
— And how does it get delivered? I can’t get it – she says that everything is right. It is coming from the mother side.
— Oh! She starts to come up with texts, with commandments. Do you understand? When nothing is clear, there is no rules. Then no one is guilty of anything and nobody would do anything. So, prophets had to come and to bring the rules: “In the name of our God you have to live in such and such away: rule number 1, rule number 2, rule number 3, etc. And all of this is being read out loud. And those are sitting there suffering:”I am not doing this, and I am not doing that. I transgressed here, and I have sinned there.” And what kind of a state people are getting into? Guilt. I do not conform to the rules.
— I do it differently: I verbalize those rules to a man, and I would not let him do them.
— It is important for you for him not to do them.
— No, it is even slicker there. You insist that you have rules, but you do not read them out loud. And he starts to suffer in sin for eternity. He says: “Why am I in jail? What have I done?” The sentence was not read out to him and he does not know how long he is in for.
— And the rules constantly change.
— They change. And one night he has a dream that tomorrow he is going to be released. He wakes up happy and asks: “Am I being released?” But they answer: “No, five more years you have.” “What for?” – He asks. “Be quiet. You are not following the rules.” And that what happened to me. And I started to look for which court and why convinced me.
— And you found out that the new laws are being added to the book of laws every day.
— Every week new laws were added. A woman would come and announce:”You have five more years.” And when the term got to be lifelong, I thought: “That’s it. That’s the end I have nothing to lose. I have to sort it out. Life is impossible. I am not living, but I can’t die either. So, I need to find a way out.” And I started on my way. But, it is different in your family as I can see.
— In our case a man and a woman started to negotiate.
— What about?
— A man took responsibility at the end.
— He took responsibility! What does it mean to “take up responsibility”? Tell us about this happy phrase. He took responsibility. He saddled himself? Was it nailed to him? Look, a woman is siting. She is a saint. And there is a fifty kilos dumbbell there: “It is your responsibility.” And he took this responsibility, and he is moaning so heavy it is. And on top of it she throws another dumbbell.
— He did not take it.
— He did. And this dumbbell was nailed to him. One hammer hit – guilt. She picks up a nail and nails thirty kilos of guilt into his back. And then another fifty kilos. Did he take it? He took the weight!