Thank you for direct and indirect
process of creation of this book.
Chapter 1. Spiritual evolution – is the integration of
Who is moving and towards what
The spectacles of your perception
On what is not seen
Your notions of yourself – are real illusions
Our life is the unity of oppositions
Two directors: positive and negative
How do you become conscious of yourself? Who are you?
Start to wake up – it is of most importance
Everything that can be said using words is relative
This reality acts as chloroform
Talk and be aware of what you are saying
Dialogue with a teacher
Thank you for your dislike of me
— Let’s get to know each other. Tell us how you got here and what is your intention.
— My name is Oleg. I am an old member and I have already said everything about my intentions. I’ve had many and they were different.
— And what’s left?
— A movement toward myself – nothing else. But how it would develop is difficult to guess.
— A movement toward yourself is left. How about you, yourself. Are you here?
— I am not sure.
— So, the question is who is moving and towards what?
— When I get there, I would see. Something is moving.
— So, the one that moves is not the one who he is moving to? Then who is he?
— My name is Violetta. I explored some of your books and realized that I need to be here.
— And why do you need to be here? You don’t understand it yet?
— I understand. There are quite a few questions, but in general, I want to understand myself better in order to better understand another human being.
— “To understand myself better in order to better understand another human being.” Good. And what do you find more important: to understand yourself or to understand another human being?
— I am not sure. One needs to start somewhere. I think it’s better to start with oneself.
— And how does the understanding of another human being happens?
— Through oneself.
— You mean, we can only understand in another man what we understand in ourselves? We cannot understand in another what we do not know in ourselves. Is that right?
— Well, it is possible that other human being can teach us what we don’t know or cannot do.
— The question here is what one’s knowledge of oneself is.
— For example, you can come to college and professors would tell you what you do not know.
— One can learn from grandparents.
— The question is what to learn?
— Maybe one can open up something one did not even know existed inside him.
— How can you open up something you do not know inside yourself? And how can you learn it from somebody else?
— Maybe we know, but hide it very well.
— OK. What do you hide about yourself?
— I think…
— Kids remind us about something.
— Kids remind us they want to have some candy.
— Kids are different.
— And what do your kids remind you?
— They remind me who I am.
— You are a child?
— They underline the qualities of my character that I try not to think of.
— And what do you try to think of if you don’t think about those qualities?
— I try to think that I am good, hospitable, and generous.
— But kids show that you are bad, cheep, and greedy.
— They can dig out stuff that one wants to hide.
— And what are you?
— I am different.
— So, you are good, but kids show you that you are bad. So, who are you?
— I am both good and bad.
— And how does it combine?
— If I don’t accept what kids show me, I get irritable and then angry.
— So, being good and nice, you first get irritable and then more and more angry?
— Being nice sometimes…
— Being nice sometimes? How about other times? How are you at other times?
— We are all different.
— I don’t deny it. I just try to figure out how we are in reality. So, sometimes you are nice and sometimes you get irritable and angry.
— Yes, that happens. And why not?
— I am not against it. I am just asking?
— When I start thinking about what my kid said to me, I sometimes see…deep inside, that is where the truth lies…
— So, what does the child pushes you toward?
— Toward self-understanding.
— In what way? “Self-understanding” – is an abstract notion. For example, the name of the store “Self-understanding” – is quite a good slogan, but what does it mean? That is why we gathered here, to figure this out.
— I am Sergei. I came because the internal is equal to the external, and certain things in external world do not satisfy me.
— You mean, external does not satisfy, but internal satisfies?
— If those are the same, then it does not matter how hard you push…I mean, situations change, but I am left alone. One needs to start with himself.
— So, situations change, but you remain. Situations change, but you stay the same?
— Result is the same. First job, second job, third job, but result is the same.
— So, the question appears: “Does the situation change if the result is the same?”
— Not really.
— So, situation does not change?
— It does not.
— We started with the fact that external is equal to internal. Then you said that external changes, but internal remains the same. Now we realized that external also remains the same.
— The point is that internal does not change.
— That’s why external does not change.
— Well, yes.
— So, does it change or not?
— And that brought up a thought that something needs to be done?
— OK. Do you want to add anything?
— Because we all evolve, life goes on, live evolves…
— Life evolves, but how about you? We just figured out that nothing changes inside of you. Externally, as we realized, nothing changes either. Therefore, nothing changes.
— Time. We are limited by time.
— Time flies.
— Time flies, and I am interested in how to change myself. I am interested in results. How can I achieve results and change myself as fast as possible.
— You want to act efficiently?
— And what does it mean, to act efficiently?
— To receive what you want.
— And who is it? Who is the one that wants?
— Ego, most likely ego.
— And what happens to desires of the ego? We just figured out that you have a desire to have an effective life. I asked a question: “Where did this desire came from?” You answered: “From ego.” My next question: “Can ego live effectively?”
— No. It cannot live effectively.
— How so? Economy should be economical. Everyone calculates and rationalizes the optimum strategies in country development, family, children raring, etc. That is what happens here. But is it possible or not? That is the question.
— Unlikely. I look at it differently. If you are on the right track, the economy would provide you with a result.
— When does one starts on the way toward effective life? Most likely when one is born. And the end result is death. So, the strategy of effective life is to die more effectively. Can we say so?
— Well, if goal is to die.
— But all the goals at the end lead to this. Our episode of being present in this reality starts with so called birth and finishes with so called death. Death is something no one can deny. Other things can be questioned, but not death. So, the only goal of people that were born happens to be death.
— What kind of goal is it, if it comes on its own?
— What do you mean, it would come on its own?
— Well, if our time is limited?
— But we want to do it efficiently.
— That is what I offer, a task of getting from birth to death more efficiently. Is not it the most important task from the point of view of efficiency?
— I don’t think so.
— What do you mean? The only thing one definitely has is birth and death. Everything else is questionable. If you noticed tombs have the dates of birth and death, and dash in between. Everything else is irrelevant. Those two dates are all that matter.
— To whom it matters?
— For those who bury.
— Maybe for them. By the way, I am primarily interested in this dash in between.
— Good, and when you are peacefully lying in the casket, would you be interested in “by the way”? And another question: why do people put those two dates and the dash in between on the tomb?
— Does it mean their life was equivalent to zero?
— I don’t know. I am asking a question.
— Someone puts it. It is someone’s judgment.
— Strange people. Some of them latter write: “To my dear father,” “To the greatest lover from a loving lover,” “To amazing husband from a loving wife,” “To amazing worker from coworkers.” But those are addendums to two main dates.
— My name is Anton. I came here because I came here.
— And I sat on the chair because I sat on the chair.
— I was performing a stupid self-digging. It did not led me anywhere. Then I discovered your books and understood that I do not know how to live in “here and now.” I wish I could. I cannot explain it in words. Certain changes occurred that led me here. I am grateful for that. I really enjoy being here.
— Great. And what prevents you from living “here and now”?
— One gets a desire to appraise oneself from the side. How do I look? Fear appears that I would not measure up to somebody’s expectations. There is a feeling of constrain.
— And why don’t we accept that there is “here and now”?
— Why don’t we accept or why don’t I accept?
— Why don’t you accept?
— Because I am stressed out.
— And why are you stressed out? Look, acceptance or not acceptance of something comes from your perception.
— Some kind of a block?
— Each one of us has his own perception. You see many people around you. Each one has his or her own perception of a certain situation, in particular of what I say and what everyone around here says. Is that right? So, everything is being determined by your perception.
— It is like a smoke that overclouds one’s vision.
— It is like glasses that we put on and then get identified with them thinking that this is the only way. Someone may say that it is hot in here, while another would say that it is cold. The third one would insist the temperature is normal. So, the situation is the same, but everyone’s perception of it is different. Why do we perceive the same situation differently? How did we develop our perception?
It is perception itself that does not allow us to accept what it is here the way it is. For example, I smoke. Some of you do not like it, and you do not accept what is “here and now,” in particular me and my smoke.
— So, different believes develop.
— Yes. Which one of you perceives that we should not smoke here? You. And you. Excellent. You don’t like the smoke. Therefore, you are not in “here and now,” as you do not accept the situation as a whole. But this is only one of the fragments of what you do not accept. What other things don’t you accept?
— I did not expected you to smoke.
— This is my present to you. You will get more presents in the future.
If I stop smoking, you would experience other things that you do not accept in me. For example, you may not like the color of my shirt or my glasses.
— Come again. I missed it. If I were to remove my non-acceptance of one thing, my perception would still be partial?
— Would you agree that a lot of what is “here and now,” you do not notice? For example, what we hear with our ears is perceived in a very narrow diapason of frequency. Whatever is above or below this diapason, we do not perceive. Our vision works similarly. Physical vision also happens to be in a very narrow diapason.
Using only physical vision we see only very small diapason, but we suppose that we see everything. We also make different conclusions in regards to what exist and what not, and what cannot exist. And one more thing, we are in a dual world. And that makes everything even more interesting.
In the dual world there is good and bad, beautiful and ugly, smart and stupid. How does your brain relate to duality? Are you capable of seeing duality as it is, i.e. perceive two opposite sides simultaneously? Do you get fixated on only one side of duality? You were saying: “I am nice.” It means you do not accept badness in you, right?
— I am different.
— “I am different” – is not understandable. What does it mean that you are different?
— Sometimes I am this way, and sometimes I am that way. Life is many sided, How can one just accept one side only. Today, let’s say, you have this particular mood and those particular vibrations, and tomorrow you feel completely differently, and perceive different things.
— OK. How do you perceive your liver?
— I am grateful to it for…
— No. How do you perceive it? “Gratitude” is an attitude.
— If it does not hurt, I do not notice it.
— So, you do not notice it.
— I don’t.
— OK. How do you perceive your spleen?
— The same way.
— If it does not hurt, it does not exist?
— It exists. If it did not exist, I would not be alive.
— Theoretically you know it. And how do you know, you have a spleen? Do you believe doctors who say you have a spleen or you perceive it in yourself? And what kind of things do you have in you that you cannot see with physical vision?
— We dag your books and we know we have many other things.
— Human body consist of millions and millions of different cells. Those cells unite to make organs that function. Complicated processes occur there. What do you know about it?
— Nothing. We are not that smart. Sorry.
— What is it – a self-diagnosis?
— We understand that we do not know much.
— Are you saying, you feel guilty in front of me because I asked you whether or not you see your spleen?
— No, I don’t feel guilty.
— Well, you said: “Sorry.” What was that?
— I did not pay attention to it.
— In general, do you pay attention to what you say?
— I am trying.
— Are you trying or you do?
— I am learning.
— One can learn eternally. You said: “Sorry.” That means you feel guilty. Or do you feel something else, when you say: “Sorry”?
On what is not seen
— So, human body is a microcosm, but human being himself is in the macrocosm. Now let’s take one cell of a human body. Cell is a microcosm, and microcosm is similar to a macrocosm. What kind of analogy to a macrocosm can you give me?
— Solar system.
— So, for a cell human being happens to be a macrocosm.
— It is difficult because we don’t know how it works. It is difficult for us. It is difficult to repair a refrigerator, but an appliance repairman has no problem doing it.
— So, being a macrocosm, we do not understand it. I am showing you the limitations of our vision. Moreover, I can say that all cells and organs of a human body are created by certain collective consciousness, i.e. certain civilizations. Inside the human body different civilizations go through their experiences.
— We don’t think about Jupiter. And we don’t think about spleen and liver.
— It is understandable that we don’t think. We don’t think about anything except what we think about. But we think in a certain way. And our thinking and perception of ourselves and the rest of the world is as limited as let’s say ant’s perception of a human being. I am concentrating on certain important moments that we cannot bypass. Otherwise, you would not understand what I am going to discuss next.
Do you think Earth has only physical reality?
— Earth is a living being.
— Yes, living being. So, does it have only physical reality, where we all are present, or something else?
— Biosphere, noosphere, etc.
— OK. And what else?
— And how about a human being: only physical body or something else?
— There are lots of other things.
— And where do thoughts appear from? Feelings?
— Thoughts come and they go.
— Everything comes and goes. But where do they come and where do they go?
— I think every single human being attracts them.
— Where do they come from? Can we physically touch them? We can embody a thought into something physical, but we cannot touch it. So, where does a thought lives?
— There is different energy there, different fields.
— Thought happens to inhabit different vibrational fields that have higher frequency of vibrations compared to material objects.
— But all of them superimpose on one another. Can it be said that those are separate?
— I am just giving you an example that aside from visible physical objects, there are also astral objects – feelings, mental objects – thoughts, and there are many other things that are difficult event to think about using our conditioned mind. It seems that human being cannot be defined by physical form alone. So, where do those feelings and thoughts are coming from?
— Well, liver lives in a physical body, thoughts live in a mental body, and feelings live in an emotional body.
— Feelings can be felt, but thoughts cannot.
— Look how interesting. You say that you are here to learn. But you behave as a teacher. We just learned that you do not know everything that well, at least in regards to your spleen. However, you talk about something else quite assuredly. You explain things to us. I only ask questions. I cannot even say that I explain anything. I just ask questions. But you explain things.
— I am sorry.
— Apologies again. When you say this wonderful word “sorry,” what do you feel?
— I feel irritation.
— OK. You feel irritated, but you know that you are polite and intelligent human being for whom it is not appropriate to express irritation and therefore, you exchange it with an opposite feeling, i.e. feeling of guilt.
— No? Excellent.
— I don’t feel it.
— Then why do you apologize so many times?
— That is accepted society way.
— In what society?
— In a collective society.
— In what collective society: socialist, communist, or capitalist?
— Our last lesson will tell us what kind of a society.
— Look, you are blaming. You are irritated and aggressive. You want to blame me for something, but you think that blame is not supposed to be shown in so called society. So, it is more appropriate to show your guilt, even though you feel blame right now. You do not express this blame, but say words that point to the presence of guilt in you. And you say that you do not feel this guilt.
— Why? I noticed that you smoke.
— OK. You noticed that I smoke. But you did not notice that you cover up the blame by guilt. Moreover, you don’t even want to acknowledge it.
— Are those two possibilities?
— So, if I want to put blame on someone, but don’t do it, I start to artificially create a feeling of guilt inside myself.
— Yes. All the games played in this reality on the level of vibration majority of people happen to occupy can be called “victim – oppressor.” The feelings that players experience in this game are blame and guilt. The oppressor blames a victim, and a victim experiences guilt. But a victim is also simultaneously an oppressor because a victim stimulates a so called oppressor to blame. I repeat that this reality is dual. But it is dual in the perception of the conditioned mind and the false personality people believe themselves to be.
Our process is a process of exiting the three dimensional reality. It is only possible through the expansion of consciousness, through the increase of its vibrations. The consciousness of a human being is not limited by the diapason of vibrations he or she is so used to feel, identifying with the conditioned mind and the false personality.
The opportunity of a so called spiritual growth, in my opinion, is to exit the limits of duality, the limits of conditioning. You can see how it is already calls in a resistance of your conditioned mind. It happens because the questions I ask cannot be easily fitted into its habitual one sided mode of thinking. I am going to constantly stimulate you to see those conditionality. I call it awareness.
— Awareness is an opportunity to change the level of vibration of consciousness that leads to dual perception. In fact, it is an opportunity to see yourself the way you are now. That is the main thing we can do to gain practical results. Everything else is just staggering through the illusions. They can be pretty, not so pretty, smart, and not so smart. But those are illusions.
Becoming aware of one’s illusory notions about oneself carries an opportunity of experiencing oneself as a being. Some of the things I say now may not be understood, but this is a necessary condition of our moving forward.
Your first step on this way is to see that your notions of yourself are illusory. Your views of the world are also illusory. In fact, our process investigates the illusions allowing us to see illusions as illusions.
— One may have an idea of what “illusion” is. This is an idea or a notion. Can one feel what illusion is?
— This is a new group and I start from scratch. I can begin to tell you how everything is, but it is going to be a lecture. I am not giving lectures as it does not help practically. We take part in self-investigation.
Self-investigation is not a simple process and it is practically unknown in this reality. It is unknown because majority of people happen to be in complete identification with the illusory dual notions that this reality is built on.
— My name is Reda. I don’t have a clear cut intent of being here, but I expect to figure it out in the process. But the fact that I am here means that it is as it should be.
— Look, this is a paradox. You do not have a clear cut intent to be here, but you are present here. A paradox – is a superposition of two contradictory tendencies. It is duality. We can call it duality or we can use the term paradox.
The thinking process of a human being is fragmented, it only fixates one aspect of duality. In this particular case, Reda says: “I do not have the intention to be here.” But she is here. It means that on a conscious level she notices something that she does not feel or see. She does not know what the intent that brought her here was. Nevertheless, she is here. But why? She does not understand. She is not aware of it. This is the perception of people conditioned by the convictions of the dual mind that we are going to explore and become aware of during the process of our investigation.
One of the peculiarities of a single-sided, fragmented thinking is the presence of blame and guilt. Because our personality is a certain illusory structure that consists of two opposite halves, we are dealing with a very interesting situation when one side of personality constantly blames another, opposite to it side.
For example, you consider yourself good. What exactly does it mean needs to be figured out as it is a generic term. Let’s just take a notion “good” for now. At the same time you have another personal side which is bad. So, consciously you notice only one part of your personality – the part that you call good. The one, you call bad, you do not see in yourself even though you act out of it all the time.
— We have seen it.
— No, you have not seen it yet. At this time we are just probing the grounds of your conscious and subconscious contents. The most important question every one of you should ask: “Do I know that practically all my knowledge of myself is illusory?” If you start to feel that you do not know anything about who you really are, it would be a first step in the direction of movement of our process.
If you do not even allow an assumption that you know practically nothing about yourself, you would resist everything that does not correspond to the conditioned notions of your mind. Then you would feel strong irritation and dissatisfaction turning into hatred and aggression toward me and everything I say.
On the other hand, you can start to suppress your negativity, considering it to be inappropriate to express it in public, in which case you would feel guilty toward yourself – “I don’t understand something.” You would see a fluctuation between guilt and blame all the time.
The one who blames says his “truth” and blames another for not seeing it. But another one has his own “truth.” This is what people occupy themselves with. They blame other people that have opposite truths. But other people blame them in return.
— I am introducing you to the ABC of self-investigation. Human being the way he exists currently is represented by false personality that consists of two opposite parts. It is similar to two directors competing in directing of one show. Life is a show. Your life is your show. How do you create your show?
It is created by those two directors. One of them is being allowed to the level of your consciousness, i.e. you are aware of what he creates and can tell us about it. The second director is subconscious and he also acts constantly. But your conscious part does not know what subconscious part is doing. And what it does is completely opposite to the doing of conscious part.
This is how duality inherent to this reality and fixated in the perception of every human being is being realized. The most important is to understand what dual perception in which we are present now is.
— If I blame myself, I simultaneously blame another human being for the same thing, right?
— Correct. What I do not accept in myself, I start to blame others for. I get into the role of an oppressor toward them. I tell them: “This is not right. You cannot do this.” I blame them. But the reason I blame them is that I project onto them what I do not see in myself. You cannot accept another human being until you accept in yourself what you blame him for.
— How does one accepts? By not experiencing a feeling of guilt?
— This is the major slyness. Some say: “Let’s accept everyone. Let’s love everyone.” Those are religious slogans that are perceived by the majority of people, but again from the point of view of duality. You cannot accept another human being until you accept in yourself what you do not accept in him or her. Otherwise it is simply impossible. And what don’t you accept in yourself? That is the main question.
Majority of people think that they know the truth. At the same time another side of this truth, i.e. not-truth or a lie is being assigned to other people, people they blame and fight with. One can get an impression that lie is a characteristic of other people only. This is the major illusion of the dividing thought process and perception.
What occurs in this reality, which happens to be the outback of cosmos, is not real in a sense that it does not really exist. Because everything that exists here is born out of mental activity of the conditioned mind that has a very interesting peculiarity: everything it does with right hand, it immediately brakes with left hand. For every single desire that appears in a human being there is a contrary desire.
This is the way false personality is built. It has both positive and negative tendencies. But because one is not fully aware of himself, one says: “Let’s be positive. Let’s not be negative.” But then it starts a crusade against the negative in the outside world. That is what most of the people are doing using religious, economical, or political grounds.
— Is it possible to simultaneously have a desire, be aware of this desire, and to move forward with it, to act?
— I want to specify the difference between what I call a desire and what I call an intent. An intent comes from the part of you that is not dual, i.e. from the soul. A desire comes from a part in you that is dual, from your personality. As personality is dual. It has two opposite polarities. I repeat, for every desire of yours, there is an opposite desire. That is what explains what we call here mistakes, misfortunes, catastrophes, etc.
What brings them on? Majority of people, having a dual perception, view themselves as separated from everything else. And when something opposite to what they consciously wanted happens to them, they start to blame someone for it. They fell like someone fooled them or that they committed an unforgivable mistake.
People invent different explanations to explain why what was not suppose to happen happened, missing completely the understanding that they created it on their own. This is a consequence of the fact that a human being is not aware of himself. One sees himself as being whole and undivided while in reality one consists of a personality comprised of many dual parts.
Only by getting to a holistic level of consciousness, one would understand that one is completely responsible for what is happening in one’s life. So, if you are saying: “I am a creator, I am whole,” – you should understand that everything that happens in your life is created by you and you only. Then how can we explain the fact that certain things appear in your life that do not correspond to what you desired and expected? For example, you wanted to be rich, but you are loosing money. You wanted to be healthy, but suddenly you get sick.
— Manifestation of the second side.
— Yes. You wanted to be happy, but you are miserable. You wanted to be strong, but turn out to be weak. Does it happen?
— It seems like we don’t know what we create.
— So, if I desire something, I should think about what I do not desire. I am responsible for it.
— You cannot remember it because the fragmented mind is built in such a way that it erases from the memory what is related to the activity of a director of let’s say negative character. We can say that you have a positive director and a negative director.
Majority of people are ready to accept responsibility for what they create consciously. Let’s call it the creation of a positive director. But in life of every human being certain situations occur constantly that are being perceived by one as negative. Who and what is this negative related to? Why does it happen in your life? People try to fight it, but without success. For example, religion created a devil to explain the negative.
— We don’t see it.
— We don’t see it and don’t remember it, because one half of our personality is in subconscious and creates, so to speak surreptitiously. The conscious part of the personality that one considers to be himself does not allow one to accept responsibility for thoughts, feelings, and actions that are related to its subconscious half. The conscious half of the personality tries to push away and erase the memory about subconscious part, i.e. opposite to it part’s creation.
If you were to recollect you life spectacle, you would most likely see only one half of it. It is as if while listening to music you were to perceive only the major, not perceiving the minor at all. Or, to use a different analogy, it is similar to watching a movie that is interrupted every five minutes and resumes no one knows where. No one can understand anything.
But that is precisely how memory of a human being is made. That is why one does not remember the major portion of one’s own life. This would continue until one would perceive oneself as a whole, as positive and negative simultaneously. Also, the holistic acceptance of oneself is only possible on a next, higher frequency level of one’s consciousness. Our process represents the movement toward this quality of consciousness.
— The next step would make us understand that everything happens because it just happens.
— You need to figure out how you create what you create in your life. Everything that happens in your life is your creation.
— I create the appearance that I do something. The result of my actions is this good or bad that I perceive as good or as bad.
— How do you know that good – is good, and bad – is bad?
— Life experience.
— What is life experience? How do you know, for example, that this water is hot?
— I don’t know. I can try and prove it.
— How would you prove it? Based on what would you make a conclusion that it is hot?
— I would touch it with my hand.
— OK. You touched it and then what?
— I can become aware of the temperature: hot or cold.
— How would you become aware of water being hot or cold?
— By comparing it to something else.
— The mind works based on comparison. If there is no comparison, the mind would not be able to appraise and come up with judgment, to execute its main function. So, in order for you to know what goodness is, you need to know what evil is. Positive and negative are just two sides of one coin.
— To be honest, I don’t understand what good is and what evil is.
— Let’s say you consider yourself to be good. Based on what do you make such a conclusion? You need an opposite to compare. Otherwise, you would not be able to do so. And this is related to any personal quality. Every single one of us here has certain personal characteristics that his or her self-identification is based on.
— I have already read…
— And if you did not, you would not know who you are?
— No, I would not.
— And how do you live like this, not knowing who you are?
— Well, I have a first name and a last name.
— OK, so you think you are the first name and the last name.
— There are certain convictions I live my life based on. Education. Upbringing. That is what brought me here. I wanted to know who I am and why some things that happened to me prior to today do not satisfy me. Why am I so unhappy? Why does all of it lead me to a physical death, precisely physical. That what brought me here.
— Prior to reading my book, you lived and you had a certain notion about yourself. You would not be able to live, you would not even be able to get out of bed if you did not have a certain notion of yourself. You have one. So, I am asking you: “What is it?”
— I thought that I was a separate being, which similarly to a cocoon or a hard nut, had to defend its opinions and convictions.
— OK. A policeman approaches you asking: “ Who are you?” You answer: “ I am a being in a separate cocoon. I am defending my convictions and my convictions tell me that you, the essence in a police uniform should get away from me.” What would he do? He would bring couple other essences in a police uniform who would take you to jail. What do they need from you?
— My ID. My documents.
— And what is written in your documents?
— My name.
— So, may be you are just a name. We are just exploring the notion you have about yourself. The policeman does not need to know that you are a multidimensional being with twelve chakras. He needs your passport. And until this passport is shown, whatever you say would just aggravate him.
— And not only him.
— Yes. Because there are certain notions that are quite widespread here and according to which whatever we call life here, occurs.
So, who are you? What kind of notions of yourself do you live with?
— Out of contradiction.
— You are not a spring chicken. How did you live? Based on what?
— Based on others opinion of me.
— But you probably have some notions about yourself? You must have been upset, angry, nervous, resentful. Did you experience those feelings? If someone comes to you saying, “You are such a great guy, I love you so much,” you start feeling pleasure. But if someone says, “You are a stupid son of a bitch. I am going to hit you with a hammer,” – you experience irritation. Is that so? But why don’t you say, “Yes, I am a stupid son of a bitch. Please, hit me with a hammer.” He hits you and you rejoice. Can something like that happen?
— Yes, that can happen.
— So, are you a stupid son of a bitch or a great guy? Who are you? And why do you react differently to what other people do?
— If the qualities of my personality were praised, I felt comforted.
— So, you do rejoice when other people praise you for what you consider to be good?
— OK. Who can say something in regards to what makes him or her happy?
— I would feel happy when all my teeth are filled and healthy and I am not suffering from pain.
— But teeth are there not just to hurt. You use them for eating. Maybe you have difficult time eating? Teeth also represent one of the attributes of one’s body appearance. If, for example, your teeth are bad, you may be seen as being ugly. Is that important for you? Imagine that you are toothless, for example.
— It is uncomfortable.
— So, for you it is not so important whether you are handsome or not, but to be comfortable during meals is important. For someone else being handsome or ugly maybe more important. Are there people here who would attest to that?
— This is one of the many reasons.
— There are many reasons, and everyone’s reasons are different. If I think, I should be pretty and consider myself pretty, I would go to a dentist not because my teeth hurt when I try to chew, but because I am not pretty now. I need to become pretty. When my teeth are done, I would feel better because I am pretty. Someone else may not give a damn whether he is pretty or not, but finds it important not to be in pain. Is that so?
— So, every one of us has certain notions about himself or herself. When others confirm our notions about ourselves, we experience pleasure. When others deny our notions about ourselves, we experience displeasure. The degree of felling pleasure and displeasure is different, starting from irritation and ending with hysterics and anger. A human being can be easily brought to hysterics if he is being constantly told that he does not correspond to his notions of himself.
And now let’s figure out to what kind of notions of yourself you react with irritation? Let’s pair up and work on it. To what kind of statements about yourself you react with irritation? What kind of statements are really horrible for you?
Who is ready to state the qualities he denies in himself? If someone tells you about them, you get irritable, hateful, and angry.
— I feel irritation when someone tells me what to do in a certain situation. I got to the duality “perfection – imperfection.” My ideal vision of myself as being perfect can not tolerate another point of view, because I think I am perfect.
— It may also be other dualities, “dependence – independence,” or “employer – employee.” You mention one duality and I show you the existence of multiple others. You would need to see them in your personality, and you are the only one who can do it. Nobody else can do it for you. I only create the opportunity for this work. Actually, our group creates those unique opportunities. If you feel it, you would use them. The opportunity allows you to lead self-investigation.
The aim of self-investigation at this step is detection and awareness of the dualities present in your personality. One’s fate or life-show one plays in this physical reality is determined by those dualities that are present in one’s personality.
You are talking now about a certain duality that is important for you now – it means that it is being actualized by you. You perceive this show from the point of view of this particular, and possibly few others, present in your personality, dualities. It is precisely the activation of duality by your personality that determine the character of your life.
For example, if I consider myself free, then any action of other people forcing me to do something is perceived by me as slavery and would cause me to have negative emotions. “I am free. Nobody should force me to do what I do not want to do.” But they do force me to do something, and I am unhappy. It points to the duality that is activated in you. In the process of self-investigation you would go deeper, specify, and develop your vision of the dualities present in your personality. This is very important. It will give you a start in seeing how your fate is created.
— How do you create your life? Why do certain events take place? Why do certain thoughts or feelings appear? Why do certain people get attracted to you? Why do they do what they do? Posing those questions and answering them you can start to see why you live the way you live. When you start to see it you would start to see who you are at present time.
You would see that you can change your notions of yourself and as a result receive different experiences. The result of spiritual development can be viewed as a level of self-awareness one can get to. The highest level of awareness of yourself that you can hold is your highest achievement at a given time. But self-understanding is limitless.
We start with level one. Essentially, a human being the way he is now is analogues to a new born baby. What does such a baby do? He sleeps most of the time. He eats and almost immediately falls asleep. He dreams.
A human being the way he is now is similar to this baby. He is asleep. And what he considers to be a reality is his dream. Our process is a challenge to wake up. To start to wake up means to start to see the dream one is dreaming considering it to be one’s life. If it is a dream, I can change it. Right?
— The question is how?
— This question would constantly appear in your mind. The mind does not even hear this discussion, but it would constantly ask: “How? How? How?” You are saying to become a creator? How? Galactic creator? How? One should drink a glass of orange juice before bedtime, get up two hours later and prepare some soup from the old shoe, then get to the roof and eat the whole pot. If you would not vomit afterwards, you can become a creator. You want more?
I am introducing you to self-investigation. Getting a taste of it, you would better understand your questions. Understanding your questions, you would receive your own answers from inside of you. For now, the most important thing for you is to become aware of those dualities that are being activated by your personality. Different people have different combinations of dualities comprising their personality, but the principals governing the build up of personal structures of people are the same. Those principals I am discussing now.
All personalities are different as snow flakes, but the one who understands the mechanism of creation of the snow flake can tell about it. I am showing you how this reality, the conditioned mind, and the false personality operate. You can prove it conducting your own self-investigation. Your life scenario is different from the scenario of other people. It is individual. But the mechanisms that help to realize it are identical in everyone.
People say: “One is not born with a personality, one becomes a personality.” We have personalities gathered here. What is personality? What is your personality? It is a compilation of certain qualities. For example, kind and mean – are qualities. Handsome and ugly – qualities. Smart and stupid – those are also qualities.
— It is a characteristic.
— It is a quality. You can call it a characteristic. Your mind is going to experience quite a difficult state now, because I offer you some new terms and give them a certain meaning. You may have encountered terms I use, but you may have understood them completely differently. So, now you would need to understand the meaning I give them. It is not easy, because one word can be used to express different notions. For example, “I love you.” What does it mean? Someone says, “I love you,” assuming that another understands it exactly the same way he understands it.
— Then why does he say it?
— He is a small child that is asleep. He dreams different dreams in which he talks not understanding what he is talking about. But our task is to awake and we need to learn to understand what we are saying, i.e. to become aware of ourselves. First thing I want to emphasize – a human being does not understand what he says. One uses certain words, but does not understand what they mean. And one does not understand because one does not know who he really is.
— One should know who he is?
— Well, that is why we gathered here. Human being through the course of the day constantly uses the word “I.” “I want this, I want that, I am insulted, etc,” – and all this without awareness who he is. It is a paradox. You do not understand who you are, but nevertheless you constantly use the word “I,” as if you did.
We are solving one of the most important puzzles, and it is very important to understand that in reality you do not understand yourself. You don’t know that you don’t know yourself. You think that you know yourself, but you don’t know yourself, but at the same time you have multiple illusory notions in regards to who you are. It is precisely those notions that create an illusion that you know yourself.
On top of it you have an unconscious notions of yourself according to which you act. Life in a state of sleep – is a training, and we are trying to figure out how it is organized. I am telling you, this training is based on duality. Our personality participates
in this training. And what do you think it is that becomes personality?
— Human being forms personal qualities.
— And why does a given personality acquires specifically those and not some kind of other qualities? They are different in every human being. Why did you acquire this particular structure of personality and not another?
— Parental inoculation.
— Then, why were you born to this particular parents who inoculate those specific qualities into you? Yes, parents do it, but why were you born to those parents?
— Most likely the Supreme “I” arranged that, so one would live through certain experiences in the beginning and only then learned to be aware.
— OK, we provisionally can call ourselves Supreme “I,” even though at present time we do not have a full understanding of what it is. But in the process of self-investigation we would understand it better. So, the Supreme “I” sends here a certain projection, which then, through a certain structure of qualities attributed to it, forms into a personality that determine its life.
For example, why are not you at war right now? There are always multiple “hot spots” on the planet. You did not go to war, you came to the seminar.
— I want to live.
— But if you ask soldiers that are at war they would say the same thing. They all want to live. They survive. They need to survive. The true soldier is the one who survives in the most difficult conditions. And why are not you in a whorehouse, but here at the seminar?
— Because of the plan of our life, fate. Why not at war? Because my soul, my essence does not need the experience that can be obtained there.
— So, you are here in order to receive a certain experience. What is personality? Personality is experience.
— I am certain that one chooses one’s fate.
— Well, human being that does not understand who he is, cannot choose anything. We are now using a certain notion, a notion of the Supreme “I” that we really do not know. But we presume that there is this Supreme “I” that sent us here the way we are in order for us to go through a certain training. This is an acceptable analogy we can work with.
— In other words, if we did not need it, we would not be here. Is that right?
— Yes. We need to complete a certain work here to become aware of ourselves, and I need to bring your cognitive process to the point where you would feel what kind of work it is. I am doing it, but look how difficult this process is. Your thinking should become paradoxical. The conditioned mind which is one-sided and thinks in fragments is totally unaccustomed to it. That is why I cannot pass on to you what I have to pass on using the methods that are commonly used here because they are made for fragmented and conditioned thinking. We, on the other hand, gathered here in order to move to a quantitatively different level of thinking and perception. This is why I am telling you it is not going to be easy.
— One can say that our goal is to get to a different level. In order for us to get there, or to receive the experience, we need to pass through certain obstacles. If we would not get it now, we would simply not be able to move further later on and as a result would not achieve what our soul requires.
— Yes, we can say so, but only with an understanding that everything we say using words is relative. One needs to constantly remember that. If you came here with a presumption that you would hear some kind of eternal Truth with a capita “T,” and hearing it from my mouth you would become the carrier of it – you are mistaken. This is not so.
This work can be done only by moving from one step of self-awareness to the next. I push you toward certain notions that help you in this process, but they do NOT represent the final, definitive Truth. What the Truth is is imposible to understand using the conditioned mind. Your notion of truth would change in correspondence to the changes in vibration that you would be able to accept.
— A feeling appeared which probably contains duality: what is right and what is wrong.
— The Truth is something that is not dual, it is neither right nor wrong. We are here in quite an interesting situation and our work is quite unusual precisely because we have to deal with that illusory apparatus of notions that has been worked up by the dual conditioned mind. I have to repeat, you cannot perceive what I am discussing here using your habitual modes of perception you got used to in schools and universities.
What is being transmited here is energoinformation. The most important topics, that seems to you I discuss using words, in reality is being transmitted as an energy of higher vibrations. Some people have the ability to accept those vibrations, some do not.
By the way, all life creatures are tuned in to a certain level of vibrations. The capacity to perceive a higher level of vibrations is a potential peculiarity of a certain category of people. I presume that it is those people that have gathered here. And I repeat, it is not going to be easy.
Currently we are using a certain relative model of notions about ourselves that is based on the fact that we are the Supreme “I.” Your conditioned mind would tell you: “I have a Supreme “I.”” Does it say so?
— And it would say: “I have a car, a wife, a kid, and a Supreme “I.””
— To make it simple, it would tell me that I am already a sentient being.
— So, it is not the “I” that has the Supreme “I,” but the Supreme “I” have “I” or “me.”
— I resent that. I don’t like that.
— You are the center of the Earth and everything should belong to you. That is how you see yourself and cosmos. People used to think that Earth stood on three elephants and all the planets and the Sun were just rotating around it. Nowdays many think that human being is a pinnacle of nature. And if nature does not give us something, we would take it by force. But in reality what we call a human being is just one out of billions of forms using which the Supreme Mind receives the experience. And irrespective of the fact that it is very pleasant to consider yourself to be the king of nature, that is not so. Human being is a biological thinking machine constructed in order for different civilizations, evolutionary ways of which has not intersected yet, could connect. So, a human being represents a certain arena where different civilizations play their show. That is why the human beings, in a way we habitually perceive ourselves or other people, do not exist. It is an illusion.
— What about us sitting here, talking, seeing each other?
— It’s an illusion perceived as reality, but it is an illusion.
— Is it real that we sit here?
— It is both real and not. I said it is going to be very difficult to understand, but we need to start somewhere.
— I have my own practice of internal observation. I observe my internal question, and without blaming myself simply tune into the situation. I feel that things are starting to move. Should I take part in the show or just observe it from the side?I was always involved in this show, but looks like I reached a peak and it is being neutralized now. I mean, I see the bad stuff and I don’t blame, and good things I perceive quietly without exaltation. At a certain point I approach such emptiness, that I realize I can neither laugh nor cry. What is it?
— I am going to return to what I discussed previously. A human being represents a certain system, which has been constructed in order for certain civilizations which othervise would not meet to connect. Human being is a twelve chakra system. Most people know about seven chakras. Many books are written on this topic and you can read about it. There are five more chakras that are situated outside of the body. Those chakras unite us with what is outside this reality and even outside the solar system. The eigth, ninth, and following chakras connect us to the Mind that is outside of the solar system. I am giving you a broad description of human make up.
— Mind resists and says that it is just another concept, another religion, you are going to build a house on which will eventually collapse.
— Exactly. I told you that everything I say is relative, and I do not insist on it as if it was the Truth with a capital “T”. I tell you this to point you to certain steps that allow one to move in order to wake up. But our conditioned mind does not perceive what I discuss even in such a simplified form. It gets outraged.
What does it gets outraged about? Presently, I am activating a side of your personal duality that you are not conscious of. I am offering you to become aware of your other side. But your habitual part gets irritated. That’s how the mechanism of duality is working in you.
— And what if it does not cause the irritation?
— It means you are not aware of it yet.
— Does it mean that there is a complete acceptance? If there is no irritation, does it mean that something is not working?
— We cannot talk about complete acceptance because we don’t know ourselves yet. It means that you cannot become aware of what was just dramatized in Andrey. You may become aware of it latter and then you would get into a state he is in right now. Every single one of us here would be an illustration for others. And what happens to anyone here touches everyone else. Pay atention to it. This is very important.
If you think that it is related only to Andrey, you are mistaken. It’s related to everyone. It’s an illustration for everyone. Using him as an example I am showing all of you how the mechanism of dual false personality works. He just reacted to it. But the fact that you did not react to it similarly does not mean you do not have a similar mechanism. It just tells us you are not aware of it yet.
So, again, a human being is a biological, thinking, electromagnetic system created in order to interconnect different civilizations that have opposite tendencies of development. It is presumed that such a close interaction would lead to transformation of their inherited oppositions into new quality. In other words, out of two opposite qualities something else should arise that has a higher frequency of vibrations.
I’ll give you an analogy. How does one bakes bread? One takes flower, water, eggs, and sugar. Then the baker mixes them together and heats this dow up. Bread appears which consists of all those components, but has completely different quality. What we call bread is neither the flower nor water or eggs the way those products exist separately. They assumed a completely different quality.
The spiritual development of a human being is tied to how he integrates the qualities of opposite directions that I call duality. Those qualities ensure the personality of a human being with certain essensses from oppositely oriented civilizations.
— Human being is an antenna?
— We can visualize him as such. I say human being is a twelve chakras system. Current human being is not a complete human being. In the beginning human being was created by form creators that are not capable of creating higher than the level of third chakra. He was created at the level of three chakras. Notwithstanding that all the people have two hands, two legs, and one head, their chemical composition is completely different and depends on how their body was constructed.
People that have an opportunity of opening of the seventh or higher chakras are currently an exeption. Bodies of such people are constructed by the Creators of much higher levels than those that create human bodies that have only three lowest chakras activated.
Humanity is preparing for a quantum leap. It is a transfer to a different state of consciousness where the perception of yourself and perception of life would be completely different. How does such a complicated process occurs? Bodies that are capable of activization of the chakras of four’s or higher levels would be able to enter the new reality.
We reviewed how ego or false personality and conditioned mind function. They function based on the notion of division because their perception is dual. This dual perception is a consequence of activization of the lowest levels of first three chakras.
Take a look at what bothers people – survival. The most important thing is to survive. It can be seen easier in soldiers, because the most important thing during a war is to survive. It is the level of muladhara, i.e. fight for physical survival. The second chakra – is sexual war. The third chakra – fight for power. Look, those three chakras encompas practically all the scenarios that we have in this life.
— And what about yours?
— It’s a different scenario. In all of those scenarios ego is present that needs to get something for itself. Ego that works on the level “want it for myself.” The opposite side is an altruism. The appearance of the altruism by itself, i.e. doing something for someone as if for oneself, is only possible when the fourth chakra is open.
— The quantum leap of consciousness I discussed or the change in qualities of the scenarios of this reality and its transfer to a qualitatively different level of vibrations is tied up to this process. In reality the human being the way he is now represents an opportunity of the next quality of consciousness. But because the activization of energy in the majority of people happens primarily on the first three chakras, we have a corresponding quality of life that is being charachterized by the dual perception of the world, division, and egocentrism.
Pay attention to the fact that I do not say that it is bad. Our Supreme “I” sent us here in order to receive a certain life experience precisely in those vibrations. In order for us to move to higher levels of vibrations we need to move through the lowest. No creature can increase its vibrations without going through lowest vibrations.
Three dimensional reality is one of the lowest vibrational realities where awakening is a very difficult task. The number of illusions present here act as a chloroform. It is extremely difficult to brake through those illusions. One has to have a very strong intent.
— What can we compare intent with?
— I want to emphasize that the intent comes not from the dual personal desires. Ego is formed in duality and is charachterized by contradictory desires. Exit out of the show “illusions of the dual perception” presumes clear vision of those illusions fully as illusions and in details in oneself. Othervise, you would remain asleep.
Simply reading different books would not get you much except the illusory notion about your own awakening, making you even more aggressive toward others – those who are asleep. You would wage war with them. This reality is a reality of war.
War appears in relation to human being being in divided state: one of his parts is at war with another. But due to the fact that one is not aware of another part in himself, one projects it onto somebody else and gets into a war with him, but in reality with oneself.
There are only wars here. Regardless whether you have a gun in your hand or not. Regardless whether you are in the war zone or not. Those wars are everywhere: in the family, on the buss, at work. The war with oneself is the essence of experiencing division. One can only exit it by becoming fully aware of oneself. That is precisely what I am pushing you toward.
But do you have this intent? I repeat that the intent is coming from your part that is not in duality, i.e. from your Supreme “I.” But the illusion of division here is perceived as the only reality.
Let’s talk about the notion of human being. I said upfront that human being, the way he sees himself right now and the way others see him, is just a fruit of a dual perception. His main task is accumulation of the experiences or living through the opposite sides of personal qualities.
Everything that can be attributed to the physical plane: body, name, and different roles – man-woman, mother-father, daughter-son – are simply certain methods of getting the experience. Therefore the main question is what kind of experience you came to Earth to receive.
— Who are “you”? Is it a human being that is comprised out of multiple personalities or the Supreme “I”? Who wants to receive this experience?
— We were talking about the presence of Supreme “I.” But one can only start feeling oneself as Supreme “I,” after exiting those notions about oneself as personality. It is one thing to hear from someone about Supreme “I” and learn about you being sent here by the Supreme “I.” It is a totally diferent thing to feel yourself Supreme “I.” But you would only feel yourself Supreme “I” in case of the synchronization of energies of Supreme “I” and lower “i.”
How do you understand what Supreme “I” is? For example, your “i” that is in fourth chakra is higher as compared to your “i” that is in third chakra. Human being is a twelve chakras system. So what is your Supreme “I.”? And where should one look for God?
— Inside oneself.
— Inside oneself. Then “i” that is on the level of eigth chakra’s is god in relation to me that is on the fifth chakra. But it is all me. And how can my consciousness enter the chakras of higher level? It can be done only by increasing the vibrational level of your consciousness. Otherwise, I would not be able to synchronize with the vibrational level of those chakras. I can have ideas of “How to become my Supreme “I,”” but I cannot realize them unless I increase the quality of my consciousness. At any given moment I can only be what corresponds to the level of vibrations of consciousness that I am at.
How was human being created? In particular, how did liver, kidney, arms, legs, and everything else appear? What do you think? How did all of it showed up and who created all of it?
— We created it all.
— By ourselves? In a certain sense it is so, but do you understand who those “We” are?
— What kind of an essence?
— That is smarter than us.
— We are talking about the “Supreme Mind” of a human being, but is there the “Supreme Mind” of the Earth? Is there a “Supreme Mind” of the Sun? Is there a “Supreme Mind” of the Gallaxy? Is there a “Supreme Mind” of the Universe?
— If we consider ourselves to be a microcosm, we were probably created by those who are in macrocosm.
— And what is “We”? What do we mean when we say that we were created? Who created our spacesuit? Because our body is a space suite.
— Human being created a space suite. It looks like human being created his own body.
— No, not a human being. Aside from a human being there are billions of other creatures that possess completely diferent types of consciousness and group together into Group Minds. We were saying that cell is a microcosm, while the Solar system is a macrocosm, but the principals of their organization are the same. So, who created those cells that united in certain organs which then united into a certain body that we call, for example, human body. They were created by different civilizations whose representatives receive their own experience through what they have created. The physical body of a human being represent a certain stage created by certain civilizations in order to receive certain experiences.
— They also cooperate?
— I would call it fight and unity of opposites. It is a dynamic system based on contradictions that should transform into new quality as a result of their interactions. Into the mind of higher quality. And human being is created in order to solve this particular task.
— I thought there was only one Creator and inside every human being there was a Supreme “I,” as a part of this Creator. But there is also another – personal appraisal.
— Every one of us has certain notions about ourselves that most frequently are illusory. You can have a notion of God and Evil, but most important for you is why you did not get a salary raise this year or why your boyfriend would not propose.
Sometimes I have meetings with people who read my books. I ask them: “Why did you come?” They say: “I have read you books.” “And?” – I ask. The reply is: “I am interested in getting acquainted with you. What kind of other interesting stuff you may have. What kind of cigarets do you smoke? How strong are your glasses?” They learn and they walk away satisfied.
— They might not be satisfied.
— They cannot get satisfied because when one lives in a state of separation, one cannot experience any satisfaction except the one that lead to dissatisfaction.
As you can see, I am holding the line of our conversation not on what interests your personality. I am transferring the conversation into a sphere that is higher than personality. I understand that your conditioned mind wants to send me and what I discuss here to hell, because I am not using cognitive patterns acceptable here. It irritates your conditioned mind. Moreover, I talk about things that do not enter those narrow borders of notions your conditioned mind has pertaining to God, other people, civilization, etc. And you are getting uncomfortable. You cannot be comfortable. I am talking about your conditioned mind. Your conditioned mind is getting uncomfortable.
I understand what kind of difficulties you are going through. Look, half of this group consists of new people and another half has been here for a while. One may think that I should start from the beginning, but I don’t do it. It is impossible to start from the beginning here, in our process, as we move with a constant acceleration. And I know that next group will be ready for a stronger push. I see those that came as those that can move with a high speed. I am not a school teacher who comes to first class repeating the same lesson over and over again.
Every one of you here assumes himself to be the center of the Earth. Your personalities have those assumptions. I destroy those assumptions. I say things to you that cannot get incorporated into narrow limits of common notions. Moreover, they contradict them. And it leads to appearance of very difficult states in you. On a personal level, you would experience aggression, irritation, rejection. However, those parts of you that have higher vibrations and know and understand what in reality happens here would have a completely different state. So, what parts of you are you going to orient yourself toward? I am producing a roller-coaster for you in order to create an opportunity for you to become aware of yourself as something outside of personality – that something in you that understands what is going on here very well. But you are not aware of it. I am telling you that human being is what he himself imagines himself to be, an illusion. I question those notions you have about yourself, notions you consider to be self evident.
The main question is what you consider to be real. It is not simply an intellectual knowledge and not a question of belief. If you believe me now, you would not believe me tomorrow. What I am discussing now should be lived by you through, i.e. get to the level of vibrations where this information is coming from. Then you would say: “Yes, it is so.”
— Duality. Again I am choosing between low and high vibrations. Contradiction.
— Correct. Here we are going to go through this very difficult step of our pathway to ourself that happens to be dual. And you would have very serious fluctuations in your states from accusing me to blaming yourself. You would accuse me for what I say and for what you do not understand. You would scream that I talk nonsense. Then you would feel guilty because you don’t understand me. One would lead and change into another, but in reality you feel simultaneously both of them. However, the conditioned mind does not allow you to understand it. The main task of our process at the present time is to start to think paradoxically. Paradoxical thinking – is thinking that comes from the simultaneous vision of dualities your personality consists of. This is what self-investigation is. You need to start to investigate yourself in the paradox of duality. I am setting certain signposts that are necessary for this self-investigation. Otherwise, you would remain in illusions perceiving them as reality. I am not saying that this is bad or good – it is simply an indicator of the level of vibration of your consciousness. Perhaps you still need to continue to accumulate the experience of war in the dual perception of the world. But, perhaps, you are ready to exit it. Then you would need to become fully aware of your survival experience and leave it with gratitude. However, this would lead to change in notions you have about about yourself. Notions you have right now are one-sided and lead you to experience this war within oneself. Again, I am not saying that this is bad. It is just an experience – an experience of lower vibrations not going through which one cannot move forward. You can move forward if you integrate this experience, if you feel it and become aware of it. We would work on becoming aware of all those experiences, but it would change not only our mental, but also emotional notions about ourselves.
— We did an experiment during which I asked you to discuss what kind of statements pertaining to you irritate you. Those are the notions about yourself you would need to see and to accept in yourself. You would need to clearly see all your virtues and corresponding to them shortcomings as something that you are made of. To see yourself as a whole – means to understand and to accept the duality, the contradiction of your personality. If you consider yourself to be kind and insist on it, I will show you your mean side. Unless you see and accept this opposite side of your kindness, you would not be able to move to a next level of quality of vibrations of consciousness. Because the next level of consciousness appears as a result of the synthesis and integration of oppositions in yourself, i.e. in your personality. When the quality that you are conscious of in yourself and quality that you perceive as opposite and projected onto others would suddenly be seen by you as a whole, as two sides of one coin, you would experience enlightenment.
That is very important for practical work on yourself. I just gave you a broader picture of seeing yourself because that is what is necessary for practical work. I only give here what is necessary for practical work. If I discuss something that appears to be theoretical to you, it is necessary for practical work.
You cannot perform the work on awareness and integration of opposite sides of yourself without understanding or at least getting in touch with new notions of yourself. Majority of you would take what I have just said as just another intellectual idea, just another point of view. Perhaps, those ideas oppose your picture of yourself and of the creation completely. But what I say dramatize your current notions pushing you to see something else. That is the major point of my work.
I would ask you to bring forward what you feel. Discussing what you feel you start to see your personality from another side. Otherwise, you are not aware of it. Talk about what you feel. Don’t be afraid to insult me. It is imposible and laughable. Don’t be afraid to insult yourself, as it is equally laughable.
— Simultaneous feeling of tension and relaxation.
— Where? The more you would talk about your personality, the faster your transformation would happen. You can be silent. I am not going to force anyone, but then the effect would be significantly slower.
— I feel my chest expanding and some tension in heart chakra. I feel I am ready to fly.
— I simultaneously feel emptiness and direction inside.
— I have a dragging sensation. When I look at you certain images appear: sometimes it is an older man and sometimes a scientist. At certain times everything becomes fluid. Reality shifts. Vibration is felt all over the body. When thoughts are present those sensations disappear. When thoughts disappear, sensations appear again. Right before I decided to speak up about ut, I developed palpitations. I decided not to talk allowing other people to say something first. My heart started to palpitate even harder. But now, when I expressed myself, it is slowing down.
— I want to add something. It is very important. I am new. I also saw certain images. I thought it was because of the tension of my gaze that I saw not what I was supposed to see.
— I had the same thoughts.
— When you look at me, you see yourself. That is what important to understand as the division – I am separate and he is separate – it is an attribute of duality. You can only see in me what you can see in yourself.
Look, I say that human being – is a certain biothinking system, constructed for the evolution of consciousness. The essences that occupy the lowest overtones of chakras and realize themselveves in such way, do not want to loose this opportunity. It is as if you are living in a house, and suddenly someone comes and says that now some other people, people of higher vibrations would live here. You start to fight for your existence in that house. All of this would happen with you as entrance of new vibrations would be accompanied by the forceful resistance of old habits, that were worked up by those essences. And if you identify with such habitual feelings as jealousy, guilt, fear, condemnation, you woud not be able to move to what we are discussing here.
You are satisfied with a show you play. Actualy, not you but those that use your body to play htat show. But when you are totally identify yourself with them, you can’t do anything. Only by crossing the level of third chakra – to fourth chakra, you would start to see what happened and happens in your life as if from the side. Then you would be capable to conduct self-investigation, the essence of which is observation. It’s an observation of those scripts that are being act out by you. But are they acted out by you – that is a question. And that question would lead you toward better specification and understanding of who you are in reality.
— I can add. Last couple years I sometimes see certain creatures. I thought it was an illusion, image, some smell or sound. I don’t even know if it was a dream or not. Now, when you said what you said, I am starting to become aware of something that is real and should not frighten me.
— You identify yourself with your body when I say that the body is a product of creativity of certain civilizations, and after your death it simply decomposes.
— After death of the body?
— Physical body. In reality, there is no such thing as death. Death does not exist.
— Just a transfer.
— Yes. But, if I consider myself to be a physical body, then I am afraid to loose it similarly to being afraid to loose personality. But I show you that personality – is not you either. So, who are you?
— I did not hear anything new during today’s meeting. From the information you discussed I saw many mental constructs, but there is also experience that happened to be lived through. I listened and at one point become aware that if I listen and surprised, then…
— Maybe it hass already been lived through?
— I doubt it.
— I mean, maybe it is an illusion on my part, but what you were saying about chakras, I think I had certain sensations pertaining to them. But many things remain to be just conceptions in my mind. You say, I am looking at you and at a certain moment see a light shadow behind you, a whole human being that moves. I never experienced spiritual vision, but something inside tells me that this is quite real and this episode did not cause any resistance.
— Please, express the most important part that you want to say.
— I want to say that this picture is not true not in certain basic premises, it is not true in a certain perception of it that I have.
— The most important thing that can happen to you now, can be expressed as transfer from “I don’t know, that I don’t know” to “I know, that I don’t know.” Having enormous number of diferent presumptions born out of illusions, you can not understand something that is not illusory. This is what Jesus expressed when he said:”Do not pour new wine into old wine skin.” With the help of awareness, one can clean up one’s mind from many illusory notions that one considers real and based on which one acts. This is very important, but very difficult process. In order to do that one has to catch, feel thoroughly, and start to understand the basic idea of self-investigation. I touched upon it briefly.
We are going to work with it. It is a first meeting of our group which consists partialy of old and partialy of new members. Now, the most important moment for new people is to admit that what they understand about themselves and about the world is relative. Your notions may change if you have an intention to get an experience of new quality. If you would continue to identify with personality, the process of transformation would not be possible for you: you would continue to passify yourself with illusions habitual for your personality. If you like it, you can do it, but you would not be able to remain here as this process presupposes undoing of what you considered to be yourself, and in the process exiting out of old notions of what you considered to be yourself. Everyone has them, but at the moment no one can say something describing them. My question:”Who are you?” was not answered.
The way we perceive ourselves and others is an illusion. Our body is not ours. It consists of huge number of cells, collected in organs, created by different civilizations, experiencing in this body what they experience. What we consider to be our personality is also not ours, but represents in itself a number of certain creatures that use our body in order to experience their own experience. The experience they get on the level of first three chakras – survival, sexuality, and power. All types of this experience are dual and lead to suffering because they do not allow us to see what is as it is in reality.
Living through this experience occurs in a state of total identification. Only transferring to fouth chakra allows one a first step toward an opportunity to investigate reality as it is. And this is a step one needs to make. But this step is connected to the beginning of seeing the illusory nature of what you used to consider to be the only reality. We are going to work with illusions. And the basic work we need to do is to see an illusion as an illusion, and the way it works. Personality, that creates what we call its own life, happens to be that illusion.
— I am experiencing very unusual for me sensation. I have a severe pain in the front of my groin which fluctuates in intensity. And I have quite an interesting relationship toward it. I always wanted to get read of this pain using any method available. But now, I just sit here observing it without any desire to stop it. I am also experiencing a certain perturbation mixed with excitement. Not sure how to express it. It is very unusual.
— The transfer from war to observation is a main result of spiritual development. The war is provided, occurs, continues, and supported by internal separation of the conditioned mind and personality. It is precisely this internal separation of personality that gives birth to all everyday drama. This reality is a huge drama theater. Drama – is a collision of the opposites, and the most dramatic your personal drama is, the better actor you are. That explains the continuous suffering of people as dramatic actor should suffer. That is the part of his own play. Suffering is necessary for the drama actor. What kind of drama actor can we have without suffering? What kind of drama can it be without suffering?
Our main goal is to exit the dramatism of suffering. The war we observe in our external life is a reflection of our internal state of separation, when one part of us is fighting another part of us. But because we do not accept the part we fight with as ours, we project that part onto other people and start to fight them. We condemn them, but condemning them we feel guilty for this condemnation. In order not to feel this guilt, we condemn others even more. The whole mechanism of the drama show is built on condemnation and guilt. How do you condemn and what for?
— It follows, I condemn myself everytime, but in a different face, in a different human being.
— Right, it follows that you condemn yourself, but what for? That can be seen through those external people you condemn.
— I can say that because many new people came in today, the seminar did not go the way I expected it to go.
— Not the way you are used to.
— May be not the way I am used to, it is irrelevant.
— No, it is relevant.
— Well, not the way … because of it irritation was building up. My mind understands that everything is right, but my emotions are not willing to obey. Logic does not work, emotions build up. My neighbor reinforced this irritation and I spilled everything out on him, everything I was building up.
— You did it so sincerely that at a certain point you became ashamed.
— It is funny now, but nevertheless.
— Funny, but very sad. And that would continue until you would not start to sort out those dualities that create it. So, one part of you condemn another part of you, which you project onto me. I ask every one of you who wants to express what he condemns me for. You condemn me today and quite a few time. Or, let me put it differently: what can you condemn me for? It is easier to sort out one’s own condemnation through the external screens. Looking inside, you cannot say practically anything about yourself, at least for now. This reality is created in such a way that internal is taken outside. At this time, as I talked more than anybody else today, and was saying certain things some of you may not liked at all, I ask you to express your condemnations.
— I probably was a source of that irritation that later on was transmited to the group and everything went askew.
— You came and you brought the whole group to the state of vibrations you happened to be in.
— I am not the center of the Universe. I don’t consider myself to be.
— You are lying. You just declared precisely that. You are saying that it was you who brought irritation inside the group.
— You know, one can interpret another’s words differently sayng that this is relative and that is relative, that one is relative and one’s words are relative.
— You are condemning me right now, right? I was asking for a specific condemnation.
— I am going to get specific now.
— I think you already said everything.
— Did I?
— You made a prelude, then you would make a prelude to a prelude, etc. What do you feel toward me right now?
— I feel that you do not correspond to my image of a teacher. I came and I saw it. I was brought here by a chain of events.
— I asked you to specifically state what you condemn me for. And you pretty much said it, but somehow you do not comprehend that.
— And you constantly interrupt.
— Yes, and that is just a miniscule portion of what I am going to do. That is simply a gentle stroking. What irritates you in me? You are nice, you can not say, can not confess that something irritates you. Is that so?
— You are an asshole, an asshole.
— OK. Specifics. Why?
— Something happened to me. I was in a good mood…and you, you asshole, you don’t let me talk.
— What are you condemning me for? I asked you a specific question.
— In order to answer specifically one have to backtrack a bit?
— You are backtracking from a backtrack that leads to backtracking from a previous backtrack. I asked you to say specifically what irritates you in me.
— The image of a teacher of the light that sits here cursing people and nobody dares to reply.
— Excellent. You could have said: ”Don’t mess with my loving you, with such you that I want to see.” This is an excellent statement that the main drama of many people consist of.
— I somehow got your book. I saw the situation that happened to me through your book.
— You love my books, but do not love their author. You thought I was different. You discovered me the way I am and you don’t like it.
— You don’t even want to know what people think of you.
— The same way, you do not want to know what you think of yourself.
— And why do you ask if you do not care?
— It does not matter to me, but matters to you. We gathered here in order to investigate ourselves. We do not gather here to elevate or diminish my image. The more you are going to elevate me, the more you are going to hate me. That is what Jesus showed. So to call me a teacher of the light or a teacher of darkness is the same, as both are one. You would not be able to get to the light unless you know what darkness is. Light and darkness are just two sides of one coin.
So, darkness – is what you do not know about yourself. That is why I am a teacher of darkness as I sort out what you do not know about yourself. Is that so or not? That is paradoxical thinking. How does your brain react to it? Light can only be brought to darkness. If you shine a flashlight during bright daylight not much would change. But if you start using it in the dark, you would see what you could not see without it.
— I found the answers to to all my questions in your book. I used to say: “God, thank you for that man for what he wrote.” It’s all written there, everything that happened to me. I recall my whole life, all the siituations that happened to me. I found answers to the questions I could not even get close to.
— And the author of this book sits here. And we would condemn him now.
— I am surprised why I came here?
— After a strong enchantment similarly strong disenchantment appears. And it is precisely in this disenchantment you are currently sitting. Previously you passed the stage of getting uphill. Now, you are going to go downhill.
— I do not understand why I sense those sensations inside.
— It happens because personality is dual. Because after love stands hate. And the stronger that love, the stronger the hate would be. And until you are ready to observe both of them without emotions, you would not understand who you really are. You received a portion of pleasure, but now I would give you a portion of displeasure in order for you to see in displeasure – pleasure, and in pleasure – displeasure. This is the essence of this process. That is why I repeat that my books are certain business cards or hooks for fishing. But when fish is cought and brought up to the shore, it experiences a completely diferent state.
— Either something happens to me and I found answers in the books latter or I read something in the books and then comes the answer.
— OK, you have read in books certain answers to your questions and when you came to its author, he brought up even more difficult questions and now you are irritated because you do not have answers to them. But you can only get those answers through becoming aware of yourself, not through reading books. Its easy with a book. One reads it, enjoys it, puts it under a pillow and falls asleep. One can pray to a book. A book can not upset you. It lays there and if one gets bored by it, one can throw it out. It is easy with a book. It is challenging with an author.
— You wrote about it in your books.
— Exactly. And you said you understood that. But did you?
— It appears that to understand and to become aware of are two different things. Everyone has understanding.
— Understanding is the result of awareness. Awareness is an opportunity to see love and hate as two sides of one coin. Attraction and repulsion are also two sides of one coin. And there are many other dualities, voltage between opposite sides of which creates a structure of your life script. But you need to start working with it, i.e. become aware and investigate them in your personality.
— Thank you for telling me how distasteful I am to you. Previously you were going through a stage we can call enchantment, now you are going through the opposite side – irritation, dislike. We live in a world of dual illusions. Usually what happens here is not what you have expected. Expectations are born by the assumptions of one director of your personality, but another, opposite director, acts subconsciously. If one of them loves, another hates. Both represent two sides of one personality. And neither one is bad. Both of them are necessary. So, if you would tell me that I am nice, good, etc, I would say:”No, I am bad. And I am going to be bad in what you considered me to be good in. That is why you are not going to tell me anything new about yourself, but you can say a lot about yourself to yourself, – and that is what I am pushing you towards.
This reality is activated by the notions of the conditional, dual mind and I practicaly bring them to one point. And if you do it, no one would be able to offend or insult you, you would move to a completely diferent qualitative state of consciousness. To explain this quality in words is useless as there are no words for it, and to talk about what has not been lived through is senseless. We can talk about experiences that have been lived through. But, in order to approach the state of integration of opposites, one needs to complete the work of self-investigation, and we are doing it as you can see, even though it is not simple.
— When we discussed today what irritates whom, I saw myself being irritated by my own stupidity. I was constantly told as a kid that I was stupid. It always causes a state of depression in me. And suddenly I understood that I experience great pleasure precisely because I get a confirmation of the part which considers itself stupid.
— Exactly. But in order to feel stupid, you need somebody smart – Pint for example. You can position me to be very smart, and then on smart me as a background, you would be stupid. But that is precisely what you need as in such case you would live through the whole gamma of feelings connected to your stupidity.
— And one can get kaif or pleasure out of it.
— Well, everyone is in it. Everyone would try to drag me and everyone else into their own dramatic scripts and shows. You, for example, would create situations leading to you feeling yourself stupid.
— And to receive two states: pleasure and displeasure simultaneously.
— Yes. As personalities we are used to playing the shows of dramatic character. Through the awareness of our personality we are exiting toward the spectacle of completely diferent quality. But the exit to that other spectacle can occur only by becoming aware of how you create your own dramatic spectacle.
Now, I ask you to briefly express your attitude to what just happened here.
— Complete mess in my head.
— I like what happens here.
— A completely different internal sensation even of perception. I sense that I can perceive and live somehow differently.
— Someone would go further, and someone not.
— Total excitement. I have a feeling that something burst, something that was heavy and constricting. gripping. Suddenly something happened.
— I did not have any expectations how it would happen, only internal attention.
— For a long time I did not experience such a sensation of a strong heartbeat as a result of what happened in the group. Usually there is an excitement before the seminar, when one knows new people are going to appear. But today there was a sensation that when one enters one’s head, it starts to hurt, and when one looks at people seeing the light that comes from each and everyone, there is such a sensation that heart, as you said today, is working on a completely different level. There is a sensation of strong warmth coming from everyone and a sense that every heart was open irrespective of how the mind worked.
— In the world of illusion everything is dual. Find an opposition in yourself to what you have just said and confirm it. Your conditioned mind may say that I enforce the division. Yes, and I would enforce it in order for you to see it. To divide in order to see, and to see in order to connect – that is the main rule of our process. In the dark room all the cats appear grey and you cannot say what color they are in reality. That is how human being perceives his internal world – everything is grey.
Certain situations would be created here which would strongly separate one part of you from another, opposite part of you, creating an opportunity to see duality of your personality. And if you would see them, you would connect them, and when connected, move to another quality of consciousness. But this would happen not thanks to the condition mind, but inspite of it.